I can manage the clouds but I can’t fight an eclipse.
Ever felt like you were drowning on dry land? The world around is fading and you just can’t breathe? All the attempts of swimming to the shore are in vain because there is no water, no shore and you don’t know how to swim. Nevertheless, you keep your eyes wide open and call out for help because surrender is not an option, it is a compulsion.
The beginning of the journey was a dream, a happily ever after. Somewhere along the way, everything changed; sun was replaced by clouds, roses by thorns. Going back became impossible and ahead, it is a never ending, never turning road leading to nowhere. Then came the time to stop, to give up and let the things be. What good could it do anyway? It feels so much better to quit because all you can do is quit. There’s no chance of getting out of this pit so here’s what you do – you cease all you efforts and wait for death. After a point, when nothing can be done, despair takes over giving way to numbness, zeroness. Beyond the reach of anyone; the darkness is consuming. The fierce shadows of the past are haunting every sense of the living, prying above the head, making every breath a mistake. I close my eyes and pray for the end.
The voice somewhere is urging me to pull myself up and fix what is broken. A hand is trying to reach me to get me out of my own personal hell and my reluctance only encourages it more. There is a fire, a passion to save me, to make me want to fight again. A rage I do not understand but can’t help but get into. The exit was always that way, just no one to tell me how to get through. This may be time to wake up.
At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you least expect it to and what seemed like a full stop, becomes comma. When you have a sign of DNR - Do Not Resuscitate, life gives you another chance. May be sometimes we need someone to remind us, what it means to be alive.
