“Did I say that out loud?” I’ve been trying to learn when, where, what to say but I’m such a sucker at it. I might know that I shouldn’t but lying is bad, right? And sometimes truth is all we have. I feel guilty when I lie, I feel horrible when I tell the truth. What the hell is wrong with me? Why for the love of God I’m even talking? Can’t I just keep it to myself and not say anything for once? Shut the hell up. You just don’t say certain things.
It has always been like that. Since birth, I say things which get others in trouble. I did some pretty bizarre things when I was a kid. Once in a party someone asked one of my cousin where my mother was, she lied (yeah people lie all the time and teach us kids to tell the truth) saying she wasn’t home yet (my mother works). Me being me uttered that she was. Then we were asked some questions and I made it impossible for my cousin to lie conveniently. I was made fun of so much that day. Well we grow up and life teaches us how important it is to lie, not every time but yeah one should know when to use that technique. I guess I learned that but someone forgot to teach me when to just not say anything. I mean how can I be so careless when I speak? Once or twice I’ve got someone in serious mess by just making a conversation. Never have I lied in these scenarios but lying would have been better. No, keeping quiet would have been just perfect. But I can't do that, can I?
I know I mean no harm but its done who does it matter if it was intended or not? People get hurt then I feel ashamed and that bloody guilty conscious. People say that I m a nice person and how much I wish the opposite. I don’t want to be a good person if it means that I cant make mistakes and screw up sometimes. Only bad people have the right to rectify their mistakes, mistakes that good people aren’t allowed to commit in the first place.
